that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
