He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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