the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
50% drunk capacity currently
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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