singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
