"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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