I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize