Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
