I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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