The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
