So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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