I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize