Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
