I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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