The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
false alarm, still single
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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