our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
These tits shall not be calmed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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