I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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