im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's the barista slut.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
