You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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