I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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