You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
