It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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