Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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