Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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