Your face is a jimmy john
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
