i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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