OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
