Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
