dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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