Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
