Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
