I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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