Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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