I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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