How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
