i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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