I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
