I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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