you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
