Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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