is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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