i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
