Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize