is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
