You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
