my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize