At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
