dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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