ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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