So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
