What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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