Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego

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(602): View more from Arizona

I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.

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(419): View more from Ohio

is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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(646): View more from New York

You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door

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(727): View more from Florida

OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.

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(325): View more from Texas

Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.

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(+61): View more from Australia

It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine

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