i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.