Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
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He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.