you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
