When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
