omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
