you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
