you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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