I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
