I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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