Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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