Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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