Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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