Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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