I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
